Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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