i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
