You can't motorboat a personality
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
