we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We need to rekindle our bromance
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
