im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
