Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
