I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
