So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
