you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
