...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
