I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
