I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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