I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
