the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
