So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize