just tell him i said nine months
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
