You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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