I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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