life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
