Im at strip club and am horny
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
