Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
