You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
