he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
