honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
