Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize