i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
