I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
