god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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