You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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