i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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