I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
