What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
