I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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