I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
