Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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