The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hippo gnu deer
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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