Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
