come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
