hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
