I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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