It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
