Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
