he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
