Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dicks are not precious.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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