it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
