i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I would fuck him just for his dog
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
