how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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