I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
