It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
