Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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