he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
