Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
