please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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