hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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