i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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