Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
