my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
