My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
