Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize