I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
