the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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