Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i think i just lost a toe
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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