I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
