plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's just like the Real World with babies
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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