Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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