WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
