On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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