I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
