You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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