If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
