we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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