I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
