kristin has been a bad kristin
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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