I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
