I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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