so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
