I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
