my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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