Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
