Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize