who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
