She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
