Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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