I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
