she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
