I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
