I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
