i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
